Grab bag: Breathwork & Brotherhood
A better way for men to be present together
On Friday night I attended an event called ‘Breathwork and Brotherhood’ facilitated by two friends of mine at St. Luke's Episcopal Church in downtown Atlanta.
It was a meaningful experience and points towards a better way relating to ourselves and one another as men. I’d love to share what the experience entailed and my reflections that emerged from it.
The Essence of the Gathering
The evening was designed as a non-religious space where men could shed the external facades that we often carry through our interactions in the wider world. The room was comprised of mostly type-A achievers and athletes. For most, it was our first time doing facilitated men’s work in this type of setting.
It was structured in two main parts:
Connection Exercises:
We did a series of predominantly non-verbal communication exercises where we’d move through the room, eventually pairing with another participant and establishing eye contact.
Facilitators offered a series of prompts to spark internal reflection on themes like pain we are carrying, connection to our childhood selves, and exploration of what our hearts desire—all while holding the gaze of another man, often a stranger.
Dynamic Breathwork:
Following a debrief of the connection exercises, we did a 45-minute dynamic breath work session using a three-part breath technique (fill the belly, fill the chest, sigh it out) that was relatively intense.
Breathwork elicited varied responses ranging from relaxation to emotional catharsis: for some, it was deeply meditative; for others (myself included), it induced a state of altered consciousness akin to psychedelics. A number of guys shared that they navigated through previously unprocessed emotions like rage, the need for forgiveness, and gratitude for family.
Reflections
I came away buzzing, and went on a run* early the next day to integrate my own experience before I tried to describe it to friends and family. In debriefing with other guys, they felt it was similarly ‘weighty’. Here are a few reflections:
It’s really nourishing to have spaces where men can connect deeply:
It’s easy for us to shoot the breeze about sports or work updates with a beer in hand. It’s harder to get below the surface to a depth of belonging and connection that we’re longing for (or perhaps don’t even realize is missing..)
Holding eye contact is oddly disquieting:
It’s pretty wild how much happens when you’re simply standing a few feet away from another man and holding eye contact. One guy told me he experienced the rush of ‘fight or flight,’ though it got easier with each new exercise.
I also noted how powerful non-verbal communication is; it was surprising how much information we’re able to transmit without saying a word.
Dynamic breathwork - holy smokes!
Breathwork took me to another plane. Time got disoriented. I felt like I was simultaneously running a 5K and also waking up from a deep, relaxing sleep.
I passed through a pretty powerful emotional release that I’m not sure I could do justice to in this format.
Men’s work wasn’t always accessible - thank goodness it is becoming available.
It struck me is that I’m likely one of the first men in my ancestral line to be able to explore and touch the mystery of what is possible through avenues like breathwork and men’s work.
It makes me sad that it’s taken this long (I’m 34 and just getting here) and also optimistic about the future.
I’m determined to do the exploratory work and welcome others into spaces like Breathwork & Brotherhood that help make a better way of being more accessible for me and the guys in my life.
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If you have questions about men’s work or breathwork, you want to come to a future event like this with me or you know someone who would, reply to this email or shoot me a note and let’s jam.
*ps, a number of people have asked me about breathwork and running / Vo2 max work - I did run Saturday and Sunday and felt like my lung capacity was expansive and my breath was smooth. So there are some purely practical benefits as well!